Being a cardiothoracic surgeon is hard because one is constantly dealing with high-risk situations and has to make fast life-and-death decisions. Often, one is not afforded the luxury of a second chance: one buries one’s mistakes. But being a female cardiac surgeon is extra hard. There is an added dimension of hardship in this male-dominated world when a female surgeon is stereotyped as emotional, irrational, illogical, and too soft to work under stress and labelled as difficult, hormonal or unstable when she is standing her ground.
A man does something strategic. A woman does the same thing? Calculated. A man stands up for himself. A woman throws a tantrum. A man is confident. A woman is smug. You can go on and on – Taylor Swift
Women experience this as surgeons and in other male-dominated fields like aviation and engineering. The reality is that women in these fields are often exceptionally good at what they do because their way to the top has been so challenging. It is not by default that they are there. I’m not scared when a female pilot is flying the plane. I know how many hurdles she had to jump to be in that cockpit; for her, it’s never just another day at the office. She is prepared for everything and knows how to persevere in challenging situations.
The women I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because sh*t worked out. They got that way because sh*t went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes – Elizabeth Gilbert
I was the only female in the unit when I trained. While my male colleagues were addressed as “doctor”, I was more often than not addressed as “sister” or called by my first name. I used to wear scrubs with my title and name embroidered on the breast pocket to avoid the awkward situation of trying to explain that I was indeed a doctor. I never wore lipstick or heels, trying to avoid the girly stereotype, hoping to be taken seriously.
It was as if being a woman was a disease that you didn’t wish to catch. As long as you didn’t associate with the other women, you could imply to the majority, the men, “I’m not like these other ones” – Gabrielle Zeven, Tomorrow, Tomorrow and Tomorrow
I learned to laugh at chauvinistic jokes (a sternal spreader was sometimes jokingly referred to as a “spread-her”) because otherwise, I was perceived as a dimwit who didn’t understand the joke. I always knew I wasn’t respected the same as my male colleagues and was seen as a quota appointment to align the department’s demographics with the South African equality policies. I was never regarded as a threat in a very competitive environment. Even though I was given minimal opportunity to perform solo surgeries, I assisted in more cases than the male trainees (a girl’s job?), but I used it to my advantage and learned from every case.
When I passed my exit exam, my now-husband asked me to marry him during a well-deserved post-exam holiday. On my first day back at work as a newly qualified and engaged cardiothoracic surgeon, I considered not wearing my engagement ring, but not to hurt my fiancé’s feelings, I turned my engagement ring so that the diamond would face the inside of my hand. However, even before the morning ward round started, the bling on my finger was noted, and everyone rejoiced, not because of my academic achievement but because “At last, you can also get married and have children.” I wasn’t congratulated for passing my exam, but instead, I was admired, with a hint of surprise, for my ability to get one of the most eligible men in town to propose to me.
The world changes for men, Francis. For women it stays pretty much the same – Kristin Hannah, The Women
Most of these issues are still present even though I am an experienced surgeon. Many colleagues, trainees and even patients can’t bring themselves to call me “Dr Fourie” and call me by my first name instead. I really don’t mind, but I do mind the underlying message: I don’t deserve the same respect as my male counterparts. Colleagues second-guess me, and patients question my training and years of experience. Patients assume I am the assistant or nurse and will address the male trainees instead, leaving me to observe the conversation. Once, I walked into a patient’s room and introduced myself as her surgeon, only to see her facial expression turn to shock. According to her, I was too young and pretty to be a cardiac surgeon and couldn’t possibly have enough experience to operate on her. She refused to accept me as her surgeon and said she was waiting for a “real” surgeon to consult. I immediately resented the money and time spent on colouring my grey roots and having Botox done, and for a moment, I wondered if an unkept woman would be preferable.
Even though research has shown that female surgeons have better outcomes than their male counterparts, I still struggle to achieve my career goals. Due to gender bias, female surgeons don’t have the same career opportunities as male surgeons. If a cardiologist doesn’t want to refer patients to a female surgeon or a board member of a hospital calls her “poppie” and denies her admission privileges because she is a woman, there is very little she can do about it. I find it astonishing that these men raise the issue of unfairness towards women when they speak about their wives and daughters and advocate for their deserving seat at the table, but in the workplace, they don’t regard a female surgeon as their equal. They forget that she is also someone’s daughter, someone’s wife.
Poppie: (informal) a ditzy woman (derogatory term), from the Afrikaans word pop, meaning a doll – Wikipedia
At the age of forty, I felt stuck in a government hospital where I worked since I qualified to gain more experience and improve my skills to hold my own in the male-dominated world of cardiothoracic surgery. Despite my efforts, every door of opportunity to realise my career dreams was shut in my “pretty” face. I felt like I’d been banished to the only position appropriate for a female cardiac surgeon, teaching male doctors how to do cardiac surgery, like a kindergarten teacher.
And then I stopped. I let go of the feeling that I had to prove myself because I realised that no matter how hard I tried, I was fighting a battle I could not win. It was not my battle to fight because I couldn’t change the fixed belief that because I’m a woman, I’m not good enough. During this hiatus, I realised that success is relative and maybe should not be measured in acknowledgement but rather in how much control you have over your time.
I always considered myself unstoppable and fearless, but that’s not true. I stopped. I almost stopped for good. But I found a way to move forward, not the same, definitely not, but more determined and less vulnerable. I don’t want to be unstoppable anymore. I realised there is power in stopping sometimes – elephantspiritual
Due to this realisation, I started to enjoy cardiac surgery and the freedom my position offered me. I rekindled my femininity and started dressing up for work and putting on makeup, not only over weekends. In a culture where a surgeon’s excellence is measured in the amount of hours they spend at the hospital, I am now protective of my free time. I use my time to enjoy girly pastimes, which I avoided in the past out of fear of being considered too womanly. I joined a quilting class and learned that the skill of quilting not only requires creativity but also surgical precision. In my quilt class, for the first time, I experienced the force of sisterhood. Not caring about my occupation, the ladies in the class took me under their wing, and their wisdom made me look at life and my place in it differently. I chose to seize the opportunities, like learning new skills and transferring them to the surgeons I train, working in a training hospital offers. I expanded my career beyond the world of cardiac surgery, which I had believed was the only world I wanted to be part of. I am entering my soft-life era after fighting so hard for so long. I want a life of ease, peace, and comfort, as well as a lifestyle where I allow myself to be home before sunset every day to take my dogs for a walk.
Don’t feel guilty for enjoying your life. Your value isn’t connected to your ability to endure struggle – Untamedhero
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you – Buddha